I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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