I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
