I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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