After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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