The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
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was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
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Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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