those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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