I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
