My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
is wine microwaveable?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
