now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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