do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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