I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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