You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
