I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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