So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
