We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
