put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
zippers are such a cool invention
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
