You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
