she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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