from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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