It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
