i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
