Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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