Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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