it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
