Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
