My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
