DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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