I CAN MOONWALK!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
