her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
