My room smells like vodka and shame
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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