I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
