I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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