You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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