I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
