I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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