She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
