I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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