I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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