she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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