I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I need help removing her.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
