when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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