Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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