We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
There's even glitter on my cock...
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