Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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