I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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