I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
