After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
