I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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