I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
