if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
