so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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