when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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