I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
