his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
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Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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