just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
