Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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