If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
