i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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