just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
