She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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