he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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