I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
