Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
