every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
