Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
