3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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