I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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