Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
