why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
