Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
