Texts From Last Night

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  (251): View more from Alabama

  i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.

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  (251): i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night. http://tfl.nu/skue
  Replies (20) Good night (666) Bad night (3862)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(

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  (732): the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :( http://tfl.nu/7drn
  Replies (19) Good night (1315) Bad night (6751)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out

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  (989): you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out http://tfl.nu/f2m2
  Replies (24) Good night (1109) Bad night (5850)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...

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  (403): I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass... http://tfl.nu/21fm
  Replies (16) Good night (3946) Bad night (1129)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war

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  (603): i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war http://tfl.nu/r6ab
  Replies (12) Good night (4190) Bad night (973)
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  (707): View more from California

  He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".

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  (707): He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute". http://tfl.nu/z3mu
  Replies (29) Good night (1935) Bad night (3469)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree

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  (409): I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree http://tfl.nu/saof
  Replies (4) Good night (2725) Bad night (1231)
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  (408): View more from California

  By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.

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  (408): By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going. http://tfl.nu/xmei
  Replies (6) Good night (989) Bad night (1855)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.

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  (254): You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever. http://tfl.nu/wqqf
  Replies (3) Good night (2330) Bad night (1023)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.

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  (817): I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream. http://tfl.nu/kzw3
  Replies (16) Good night (690) Bad night (2131)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.

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  (315): Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back. http://tfl.nu/li4v
  Replies (2) Good night (1055) Bad night (532)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.

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  (706): We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods. http://tfl.nu/j300
  Replies (2) Good night (1141) Bad night (496)
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  (585): View more from New York

  AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?

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  (585): AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!? http://tfl.nu/66pr
  Replies (1) Good night (589) Bad night (316)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in

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  (678): So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in http://tfl.nu/805f
  Replies (2) Good night (723) Bad night (244)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance

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  (704): By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance http://tfl.nu/tdk6
  Replies (1) Good night (425) Bad night (458)

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