so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
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If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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