Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.