got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza