And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?