Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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