i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
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And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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