i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I can text with my tongue
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
