i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
