Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
