I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize